“Not all those who wander are lust, but some of us are, and that is okay’ –
Hey lovely people,
After I wrote a post about dealing with my depression back in October 2015 I was approached by so many people asking me questions about how I did this and it opened a big door of people sharing their story with my. I was honored and felt blessed that so many of you opened up to me and shared their story. If you have missed this post you can read it here: *Click!
Before I continue this post I do would like to say that depression is something that you should take seriously. You should never be ashamed to get and /or ask for help. Traveling has helped me to deal and to beat my depression- how ever, every story is different and everyone is different. This is something that has helped me and I hope it can do the same for you.
So I hope you are ready for my store cause here it is.
I was living a fabulous expat life in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I had an amazing job, a hot boyfriend, a succesful freelance company. My weekends were filled with trips to tropical destinations, going to the most fancy restaurants, the most luxurious beachclubs in Bali, Langkawi, Thailand. And if I felt like shopping I would go to one of the many malls in KL or fly over to Singapore for a day- Why? Because I could. I had and have a great family and great friends but still- I felt very empty. I knew that I had some issues from my past that I never really got over but I kept running away from them.
I seeked out help and got my self a life coach in Kuala Lumpur. This coach helped me a lot and she made me realize that I really had to get my hands dirty and that I had to work on my issues in order to be able to move forward in life.
After a few sessions with her I realized that I really had to do something because after the sessions I felt great but than the next day I felt sad again. I was living in one of the most vibrant cities in the world and I noticed that I started to spend more time in my appartment. In bed. With the curtains closed. Eating. Drinking. And feeling completely and utterly shitty.
You can not imagine how it feels to be completely alone in a dark room with your own thoughts. With your dark thoughts- Or perhaps you can relate to my story and you can imagine it. I started to feel shittier by the day and where I was a star at keeping up appearences at some point I even failed at that.
I knew that something had to change. But where did I start? I had no clue.
One thing I had learned when I was younger was that nomatter how shit I felt, that if I went to my ‘happy place’ I instantly would feel a bit better. So I decided to create new happy places. I left my familiar life in KL behind and I started to travel throughout Asia. For once in a very very very long time I did something I had not done in years. I chose me.
The beginning was really weird. There were days where I did not know what to do or where to go but I just kept going. I visited cities that were unfamiliar to me and it was freaking scary but I still knew that I had to do it. I forced myself every day to get up and to see something or do something I had never done before and it had a weird but positive effect on me.
Where once I did not want to live anymore, now I started slowely but surely to love life again. I traveled to the most beautiful destinations and saw the most amazing things. I met people. Great people. People with their own story and people that inspired me so much. Every day was a battle. But I became a soldier. A soldier in my own war against my self and I was starting to beat myself in this war. How weird it may sound. I started to become stronger and stronger and I started to appreciate life again.
Things that I remember vividly that helped me was the freedom I felt when I was riding my scooter in Bali. With the wind through my hair, riding amongst the boulevard in Kuta or on a undiscovered path somewhere in Jimbaran- I felt happy. With nothing more with me than my bike and my sunglasses- I just felt so much joy. I remember watching all those beautiufl sunsets that are so magical in Asia. Pink skies. Blue Skies. Purple skies. Where these sunsets real? It all looked so photoshopped.
I remeber a boatride from one island to the other- Again with the wind in my hair, my face- something came over me. I started to cry for no reason, at least that is what I thought at that point. But I was such an emotional wreck- it had to come out at one point.
I cried so many times when I was traveling but I also snapped out of my sad modes quickly as time passed. I realized that I started to love my life again and that life could be so beautiful. It helped me to organize my thoughts and to strengthen myself and to finally start loving myself again.
Traveling definitely was key for me to beat my depression. It did not ‘just heal’ me. But it did help me to realize that there was so much more at this world that was worth living for. It reminded me that I should not give up on myself and that I was worth fighting for. Being alone on the road forced me to confront myself with my thoughts and to process these. It took me months to get there but I felt ready- I went back to Europe and I started therapy. Where traveling gave me great insights on me and my life, I did acknowledge that I needed the guidance to beat this thing entirely. So I started with therapy and it was the best decision I made in my life. And while looking back now I realize that without traveling the world, being a solotraveler, being a wanderluster I might not have reached that point. Or maybe I would have, but not that quickly. I was running away from my past for so long and those months out on the road forced me to be with me. My thoughts. And to work on them.
I can only hope that you can and will have the same experience if you are battling depression. Invissible diseases should be taken incredibly serious. Never feel ashamed of who you are or the thoughts that you have. Never feel too proud to ask for help. You are worth it. You are worth living a life where you are happy. You are worth discovering this beautiful globe and all the wonders that it has to offer. And perhaps one day you will wander the world again, without feeling lost. I know that I do exactly that now.
For more of my adventures and stories feel free to follow: www.instagram.com/dobeglobe