Bill Cunningham – New York

 

‘”You see if you don’t take money, they can’t tell you what to do, kid.’ –
B. Cunningham

Hey Lovelies,

Happy Sunday!

I hope all is well. I woke up exactly 2 hours ago (yes, even during the weekends I wake up around 7 o’clock). I looked outside my window, it was raining. The perfect fall weather to stay inside and enjoy a good movie or binge watch on your fave series. But I just could not decide on what I wanted to watch. I was stroling through my collection of movies, series and documentaries and than I saw the documentary of the very legendary Bill Cunningham- And eventhough I am a huge fan of his work, for some reason I never actually watched his documentary- biopic.

I saw that it was 2 hours and I thought, sure why not- It is still early and I got all the time. And God, am I happy I did watch it. I feel so inspired.

Many of us have traveled or will travel to New York. The Big Apple. The city of lights, the city that never sleeps, the city of the most incredible streetfashion, best rooftop bars, clubs – EVERYTHING!

We go to NYC and take a million selfies. Statue of Liberty? CHECK! Magnolia Bakery? CHECK! Empire State Building? CHECK

But before us, there was Bill. To me, Bill is really the heart of NYC- and I am pretty sure that 90% of people reading my post don’t know who Bill is.

Besides his entire life being one big ball of inspiration he also had good one liners in this bio pic. A few really spoke to me and one of them is this one:Schermafbeelding 2015-12-13 om 08.53.13.png

And isn’t that true tho? If you have a job that does not feel like working but it is just having fun than you really have it made. Bill is currently 83. 80 FF’in 3 and he still rides his bike all over NYC, going to several events a day to capture the best streetstyle pictures that are out there. He is currently driving is 29th bike, cause the 28 before that were stolen. But that does not matter. He does not give up. That is such an inspiration. Being at that age and still going anywhere and everywhere, just so we can have gorgeous images to stare at.

He only captures things that are fashion to him. He does not give a crap about celebrities and in his words ‘them and their free dresses’- He is probably one of the few man out there who don’t know who Kim Kardashian is. Haha. He cares about ‘real people’ and that makes him pretty cool.

Also- he is probably the only guy Ms. Anna Wintour would stop for to take a pic. There is this really funny scene in the documentary where hundreds of photographers are calling Anna as she is walking by but she does not even give them the time a day. But when she spots Bill and hears his voice something magical happens. She stops and poses. And not in a rushed way. Cool, calm and collected- and allows him to get the perfect shot. When he waves that he has the shot she rushes back and continues walking- Everything for Bill he!

Bill has been photographing Anna from a very young age on. Back when she was a 19 year old socialite he was already capturing her beauty and style- Small note; she had the same hairdue back than too.
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Bill has been photographing people in NYC for so long now, he really has seen it all. Capturing different trends and seeing the people change. The fashion change. If you are a true fashionista you really should get to know Bill. He is a fascinating man and I guarentee you that you will be inspired by him!

Back in studio 54 when he was kicking it with Andy Warhol, he designed hats for Marilyn Monroe and he is been capturing New Yorkers for about 50 years. One word: LEGEND!

I could go on and on about this amazing man, but why should I talk when the pictures and the doc can do the work and show you more than I could ever tell you. This is a MUST WATCH ! (video at the end of the post)Billcunningham.jpg54d40ad52a29f_-_esq-style-rebels-042314-ux9dkc-xl4.jpgimage19.jpg

For more of his work visit the website of NY-Times: http://www.nytimes.com/video/on-the-street

To check out the documentary check the video below. I actually found a You Tube account that displays the full bio pic. Yes, all the 2 hours of it!

ENJOY!
xoxo

DEED-zember; Time to give back!

december

Hello lovelies!

Well, what do you know, it is already December. Oh wait, and even the second week is about to start in 24 hours. Where did the time go? Everything happend so fast this year..I can not believe that we already will start a new year in just a matter of a few days.

But before this year is over I want you to reflect on it and see if you have done everything that you wanted to do this year. Have you checked everything of your ‘2015 to do list’?

If not, it is time to get up of your ass and start making things happen. Of course we need to stay realistic, not everything will be manageable to doing in the last 3 weeks of this year but there must be something you can do!  Especially for someone else. Therefor I created Deedzember! 

December is for most of us a very happy and joyful month full of celebrations, but it is not like that for everyone. I just want you to look around you and see where YOU can help.
You don’t have to be a millionaire to make a difference! You can help with your heart too.

Here is a list of things you can do if you are totally blank on this one:
– Help out in a soup kitchen
– Join a program that is feeding the homeless
– Make homecooked meals and drive around your city- and give them to the homeless. There are more homeless people than you might think
-Donate clothing to a refugee camp
-Collect (old) new toys for the kids in a refugee camp
-Organize a mini fundraiser for your favorite charity
-Visit an elderly home and spend time with those that might have no one left anymore

But you can also keep it a bit closer to home:
-Write your parents a ‘Thank you’ letter and tell them everything you are thankful for
-Make a meal for that one struggling friend, bring it over and just have an all nighter where you talk the night away.
-Sweep the fallen leaves of the porch of your (elderly) neighbor
– Ask if there are tasks that you can help with too; mowing the lawn, washing the windows

There are so many small things you can do that can mean the world for someone else. Acknowledge each others presence and be kind to each other.

What good deed can you do for someone else? Let me know!
xoxo

3 signs to recognize depression

Hey lovelies,

Today I will share yet another post about my personal depression story. I have written an article about ‘The story behind my smile’ almost a month ago and I got a lot of sweet and supportive reactions. (Click here for that post)
The reason why I wrote that post is in order to inspire others and to let you know that it will be okay. I have ‘survived’ depression and even though I still feel down at times, I am not in that big black hole I once was in.

The thing with depression is that more people have had depressions than you might think. Dealing with depression is difficult. Hiding it is not.

I remember when I had my ‘big coming out party’ where I told my family and closest friends about my depression and that it was time for me to seek help. (almost) nobody saw it coming. I became a master in hiding it.

It was so weird. I did wanted help. I just did not want to ask for it. Asking for help was (and sometimes is) so difficult cause I am a very proud person. I do not like to show my weaknesses so I kinda strung my self along un till I hit rock bottom. And than I decided that the life I was leading was not the life I wanted to lead and that therapy was something I could really benefit from.

During my time of depression, sometimes I was dissapointed in my family and friends. ‘Why did they not offer me help, I mean, isn’t it obvious that I am not doing well?’ – I kinda played the victim role cause that was easier than to admit that if I wanted help, I should just ask for it.

However, I still want to share some signs that I thought were clear for others to see but appearently were not. I really want you to read them carefully and look in your innercircle, look at your friends, colleagues and try to see people. Acknowledge them, see their real colors. And if you recognize some of these signs just ask them this 1 question:
“So, how are you really doing” … I guarentee you you will get some answers you never thought were possible…and who knows, you can be the gamechanger in this persons life….

1.  WEIGHT GAINING OR WEIGHT LOSS
When a person is happy you won’t see a dramatic difference in their weight. Unless of course someone is intentionally trying to lose weight and is on  a strict diet. With me, it was the other way around. During my depression I gained almost 17 kilo. This was something I was really embarrassed about at first but trust me, when you feel fucked up on the inside, the outside does not really matter. I know that people noticed that I gained wait, obviously, 17 kilo is really a lot but nobody really asked me about it. Yes, it is an awkward subject, “hey you used to look different in a bikini, what happend’ is not a question anyone would like to get, but sometimes it is needed. By asking about it (and of course it is not nice to hear) you really can be someones wake up call. To be honest, at some point I did not even realize how much weight I have gained. I knew that I did not fit my clothes anymore. But than I just went to the store and bought some new stuff. By addressing this subject you will create a window to have an even deeper conversation

2.  SMIZING
OMG, did I really just say smizing? Oh yea, I did. I think it is so annoying, the way Ms. Banks uses this term. For those who never watched America’s Next Top Model; smizing is smiling with your eyes.
When you are depressed it is easy to fool people with ‘smiling’ with your lips or even laughing a bit out loud. But eyes are really the window to your soul. When someone is laughing, try to see if their eyes are laughing too. Is someone genuinly happy or is that person faking it. I have fake laughed so many times during my depression my jaw started to hurt. But still everyone thought I was this perfect girl in her perfect girl living the perfect life, while on the inside I was broken.

3.  SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL-OR EXTENSIVELY GOING OUT
The best place of a depressed person is back at home in their own bed. During my depression I spend most of my time in bed. Of course I still went to work, kept up appearance – but the second work was over I went directly home. For me this was a weird thing because I have always been a very outgoing girl. I also always loved cocooning at home, but I also went out a lot. At some point I just stopped. The thought of being in a busy and hectic crowd drove me crazy and I even felt so depressed by just the thought of it. I spend so much time at home and I isolated myself from others. I always gave some lame excuse until I reached the point where I would even ignore my own boyfriend.- So really try to look in the change of behavior of people. Is that one really outgoing friend suddenly not going out anymore or perhaps the other way around- maybe someone who never went out is extensively going out, getting drunk- doing who knows what.

I am not saying that if someone does these 3 things (or one of them) that that person is depressed. Of course there can be other factors too. People change, people act differently or want different things in life. I am just sharing the things where I kinda gave away that I was depressed but nobody noticed. So I do want you to look around and perhaps if you suspect that there is something going on in someones life, there probably is. Don’t be shy and just ask about it. Even if you think it is none of your business. Show that person that they are not alone- cause I can guarantee you, that person is dealing with a depression, he or she is feeling alone. And that is the worst feeling out there.

Be kind to others. Be kind to your self.
Perhaps we know eachother, perhaps we don’t. Either way, you can always send me a message and I will try my best to help you, or at least just to be there for you…

Have you ever dealt with depression or know someone who dealt with depression? How did you recognize it? 

xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DUTCH VIBES: 8 grappige Vlaamse uitdrukkingen voor een NL meisje in Antwerpen

IN DUTCH VIBES WE WILL PLACE ARTICLES TWICE A WEEK IN THE DUTCH LANGUAGE. 

Hey Loves!

Ik woon nu ongeveer een jaartje in Antwerpen. En nog steeds sta ik met de volle 100% achter mijn keuze om naar deze wereldstad te verhuizen. Ik kom oorspronkelijk uit Delft en heb overal en nergens tussen Delft en Bali gewoond. Met Aziatische landen ben ik goed bekend, ask me anything, I will tell you everything! Maar met het mooie stadje van mijn ‘zuiderburen’ wist ik eigenlijk maar weinig af.

Ik heb het afgelopen jaar dingen gehoord die ik niet direct kon plaatsen and to be honest, soms viel ik bijna van mijn stoel. Van sommige moest ik ook heel hard lachen en vandaag ga ik deze met jullie delen.

Na een jaar heb ik sommige zelfs in mijn vocabulaire opgenomen, maar 1 zal er echt nooit in komen. Die is gewoon echt TE FREAKING AWKWARD (voor een Dutchie)

1.  POEPEN
Toen een Vlaamse vriendin aan mij vroeg of ik in het weekend vroeg of ik nog had gepoept was ik even speechless. En dat ben ik niet snel. Excuse you? Nou ben ik totaal niet preuts maar waarom moest zij weten wat ik op de wc deed. Aarzelend zei ik maar ja en ik keek een beetje twijfelachtig om me heen. Ik kreeg een highfive en ze riep: ‘You go girl’ en ze liep weg. Ik woonde toen nog maar net in Antwerpen. Ik had al gehoord dat het Vlaamse volk een gezellig volk was om maar even volledig te generaliseren, maar dit had ik ook niet verwacht. Wat een support voor een goede stoelgang. Ik vertelde dit aan een collega en zij legde mij the true definition van het woord ‘poepen’ uit. POEPEN=SEXEN
SERIOUSLY-DAFUQ THO. Na een jaar in Antwerpen te wonen snap ik deze alsnog niet. Het blijft (voor mij) toch nog een beetje raar!

2.  POEPVRIEND
Nou, die begijp je nu dan ook wel toch. Een poepvriend is je FUCKBUDDY! Come on peeps, zeg gewoon fuckbuddy, of sexvriendje. Een poepvriend, dan moet je toch aan heel iets anders denken? #ieeuw #hahaahaha

3.  JE POEP
Oke oke, last one uit het rijtje ‘poepen’ maar ook deze moet ik benoemen. Ik kreeg een compliment dat ik een mooie poep had. Om een lang verhaal kort te maken, je poep is je bil. je kont. je ass. whatever you feel comfortable with. Dus als jij naar Antwerpen komt en je staat je ‘poep’ op de dansvloer te shaken en er komt een hottie naar je toen en complimenteert je met je poep, hoef je hem niet raar aan te kijken want je begrijpt nu wat hij bedoeld.

4.  EEN KLEEDJE
“Wat heb jij een mooi kleedje aan’- Huh, wait, what? Ik had toch gewoon een jurkje aan? Een kleedje is iets wat bij ons Dutchies op de grond ligt. Of iets waar Aladdin op vliegt door de woestijn met Jasmine, niet iets wat je aan hebt toch? Hier in Antwerpen / Belgie refereren ze naar een kleedje als ze het hebben over een jurkje!

5.  EEN TAS KOFFIEcoffee cups
‘Hey wil jij ook een tas koffie?’ Sure, riep ik. Puur uit nieuwschierigheid en omdat ik niet wist wat ik kon verwachten en er toch wel benieuwd naar was. Ik kreeg gewoon een kop koffie. Een tas is dus een (koffie)kop/mok.

6.  TAS=MOK / ZAK=TAS
Waar ik in het vorige puntje nog uitlegde wat een tas hier in Belgie is ga ik je nu vertellen dat als ze je in de supermarkt een zak aanbieden je altijd ja moet zeggen. Dit is namelijk gewoon een ‘tasje’.

7.  BOTTEN
Nu ik dit stuk schrijf ontdek ik dat ik veel van deze termen heb geleerd omdat ik ergens een compliment over kreeg. Ook kreeg ik een keer een compliment over mijn mooie botten. Nu ben ik flink wat kilo’tjes aangekomen de laatste tijd en geloof mij, mijn botten zijn ver te zoeken haha dus ik snapte deze echt niet. Eigenlijk snap ik het nog steeds niet. Wel weet ik wat er mee bedoeld wordt. Botten zijn je laarzen. En nee, het is geen general woord voor schoenen. Het zijn echt die dingen die wij in Nederland laarzen noemen.

8. ER WAS GEEN KAT OP DE BAAN
Toen ik met mijn vriendin naar Brugge reed reden we door een heel mooi stukje waar het super stil was. Er was geen verkeer, geen voetganger, het was er ontzettend rustig. Op een gegeven moment zei ze: Er is geen kat op de baan. Dom als ik was en misschien ook een tikkeltje naief keek ik rond en verbaasde me even want ik zag wel een kat lopen, well, rennen, richting de bosjes. Ik dacht, ach die heeft ze waarschijnlijk niet gezien. Tot ik begreep (ergens ook logisch) dat als er geen kat op de baan is er mee bedoeld wordt dat er letterlijk niemand is. Of zoals wij in Nederland zouden zeggen: ‘Er is geen hond op straat’.

 

Dit zijn maar een paar voorbeelden van de ‘Typische Vlaamse’ uitspraken/woorden die ik heb geleerd het afgelopen jaar. Kende jij ze al?

xoxo

DUTCH VIBES: Irritante meisjes in de trein

IN DUTCH VIBES WE WILL PLACE ARTICLES TWICE A WEEK IN THE DUTCH LANGUAGE. 

 

Hey loves,
Vandaag moet ik het met jullie hebben over een steeds meer voorkomend phenomeen; ‘Het irritante meisje in de trein’. Ik moet je eerlijk bekennen, vroeger was ik zo een irritant meisje in de trein maar nu ik wat ouder ben (ik heb onlangs 29 kaarsjes uitgeblazen) merk ik dat ik mij ook begin te irriteren aan meisjes die mij doen herinneren aan mijn vroegere ik.

Ik zal jullie meenemen naar vorige week vrijdag toen ik de trein van Antwerpen naar mijn hometown Delft pakte. 

Op vrijdag middag naar Nederland vertrekken vanuit Antwerpen is een echte hassle. Het is er zo ontiegelijk druk en je moet echt vechten voor een zitplaatsje. Nu zorg ik dat ik een grote backpack op m’n rug heb waarmee ik subtiel andere mensen kan wegduwen. Als ze mij dan boos aankijken zeg ik direct dat het mij spijt en probeer er zo lief mogelijk bij te lachen. Tot nu toe heeft dit altijd wel goed gewerkt, vooral bij mannen. Eenmaal in de trein moet je echt rennen voor je plekje. Vaak lukt het mij om een zit plaatsje te bemachtigen. Ik pak altijd mijn laptop erbij en ga aan mijn website werken of een serie’tje kijken. Het duurt 1 uur en 11 minuten tot ik in Rotterdam ben en mijn overstap moet maken dus dit is de perfecte tijd om eens lekker, rustig m’n ding te doen.

Helaas wordt dit altijd verpest door de irritante treinmeisjes. Elke week weer de zelfde discussie, ik zal denken, wordt je er dan niet moe van? Welke discussie vraag je je misschien af? Well..here it comes.

Op vrijdag avond gaan niet alleen vaak de Nederlandse working peeps naar huis maar ook vele studenten die in Antwerpen studeren maar toch nog in Nederland wonen. Of op kamers zitten in Antwerpen en in het weekend weer naar ‘huis’ gaan. En deze studenten (vaak toch de meisjes) kunnen ontzettend irritant zijn. En het meest irritante is nog wel, dat alles wat zij nu doen ik toen der tijd ook heb gedaan maar nu pas inzie hoe irritant ik en mijn gedrag eigenlijk was. Haha.

De conducteur, meestal al zeer ondergewaardeerd, komt de coupé binnen. Controle. De mensen waarmee de conducteurs dagelijks moeten dealen, pff, alleen al door die gedachten krijg ik medelijden met ze. ‘Meneer ik heb geen kaartje”- “Mevrouw, ik heb toch echt ingechecked”- elke keer weer die kansloze eindeloze discussies, daar wordt je toch moe van.

Ik laat mijn kaartje zien. Alles is in orde. De conducteur wenst mij een prettige reis en gaat naar de meisjes voor mij. Ik zie al direct dat het ‘irritante treinmeisjes’ zijn, maar de conducteur, vol goede hoop vraagt toch vriendelijk het vervoerbewijs van deze meisjes.
Wat mij nog het meeste verbaast is, dat als je weet dat je niet bent ingecheckt, waarom je dan toch je OV overhandigt? Je weet dat je dan te horen krijgt dat je niet bent ingecheckt-dus waarom doe je het dan nog?

En ja hoor. Meisje geeft OV-Conducteur scant OV-Geeft aan dat er niet ingecheckt is en de discussie begint:

Irritant treinmeisje: “Maar (geen meneer of iets, manieren zijn ook ver te zoeken)- waarom moet ik inchecken dan, ik ben student, ik reis toch gratis?”
Conducteur: “Iedereen moet inchecken, dat zijn onze regels. Je moet in en uit checken, net zoals iedereen”
Irritant treinmeisje: “Ja maar hoezo dan? Het is toch gratis? En op Antwerpen kan ik niet inchecken moet ik dan in Roosendaal er uit? Ja daag, dan red ik mijn trein niet meer, je hebt zo weinig tijd om dat te doen man’.
Conducteur: Je moet inderdaad, zodra je in Nederland bent bij het eerste treinstation de trein uit om in te checken, ik begrijp dat dit vervelend is maar dit zijn wel de regels. Als je de trein niet red dan dien je een volgende trein te nemen maar je dient wel ingechecked te zijn.
Irritant treinmeisje: “Ja maar dat slaat toch helemaal nergens op, dan moet ik een half uur wachten op de volgende trein als ik het niet red, ja daag dat ga ik echt niet doen?”

Ik vraag me af waarom ze zo brutaal is tegenover iemand die haar makkelijk een boete kan geven maar het lijkt haar totaal niet te interesseren en ze blijft maar doorgaan over hoe belachelijk ze het vind.

Conducteur: Nogmaals, ik snap dat het vervelend is maar dat zijn de regels. Voor deze ene keer (ik vraag me af hoevaak hij dit al heeft gezegd) zal ik je geen boete geven maar let er voor de volgende keer op dat je je wel incheckt, okay?
Irritant treinmeisje: Oke, volgende keer zal ik inchecken – zegt ze braaf tot dat de conducteur wegloopt en ze met haar vriendinnen grapt, tuurlijk ga ik dat niet doen, ja daag, hij is niet goed in z’n hoofd.

Ontzettend respectloos om je zo te gedragen tegenover iemand die je net een boete heeft bespaard.
Soms gaat het er niet om of de regels logisch zijn of niet, je dient je er gewoon aan te houden. En als je het er echt niet mee eens bent, schrijf de NS een brief, maak er werk van, maar ga niet in overtreding van de regels om vervolgens elke keer weer een eindeloze discussie te starten met iemand die ook alleen maar z’n werk doet. It is really annoying.

Geloof mij, ik zal het ook vervelend vinden dat ik in Roosendaal de trein uit zal moeten om in te checken maar dit is geen verassing voor je, je weet dit van te voren. Dus doe iedereen een plezier en check voortaan gewoon in.

Even heb ik nog getwijfeld om haar hier op aan te spreken, maar alleen al door die gedachte voelde ik me echt een oude tak. Haha. Dus ik heb besloten om er niks van te zeggen, want uiteindelijk gaat het mij ook helemaal niks aan. En ach, met mij is het ook goed gekomen dus ooit zal dit irritante treinmeisje ook net als ik gewoon een normale reiziger zijn.

 

xoxo

Dutch Vibes: Dobe Globe Goes Dutch!

IN DUTCH VIBES WE WILL PLACE ARTICLES TWICE A WEEK IN THE DUTCH LANGUAGE. 

Hey lieve mensen!

Ik heb er heel lang over nagedacht om ook in het Nederlands te schrijven op mijn website. Maar Nederlands en Engels, zal dat niet te verwarrend worden?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Ik heb de vraag ook wel eens op verschillende websites gesteld en de meningen waren heel erg verdeeld. Sommige mensen vonden dat het te verwarrend zal worden, anderen adviseerde mij om volledig in het Nederlands te gaan schrijven en anderen vonden het Engels ook leuk!
Omdat ik merk dat mijn doelgroep zich flink heeft uitgebreid sinds ik weer in Europa woon wil ik mij ook meer op deze doelgroep richten!

WAAROM IN HET ENGELS SCHRIJVEN?
Voor de gene die het niet weten, ik woon sinds kort in Antwerpen en heb hiervoor in Azië gewoond. Ook voor mijn reizen ben ik overal en nergens geweest en ik heb een grote internationale following opgebouwd. Ik vind het leuk om content te creëren die ook voor hun toegankelijk is en ongeveer 70 % van mijn opdrachtgevers zijn ook internationale bedrijven. Daarnaast ligt het Engels mij goed en kan ik mij soms beter in het Engels uitdrukken dan in het Nederlands.

WAAROM SWITCHEN NAAR NEDERLANDS?
Ik wil niet volledig switchen naar het Nederlands maar ik merk toch dat er bepaalde onderwerpen zijn waar ik over wil schrijven die echt gericht is op de Nederlands sprekende kant van mijn doelgroep. Mijn doelgroep is ontzettend gegroeid het laatste jaar en ik heb nu ook een grote following in de Benelux en daar wil ik mij ook meer op richten.

WAT KAN JE VERWACHTEN?
Het geen wat het zelfde blijft is dat de interviews die ik doe, de reisgerelateerde onderwerpen, de hotel en product reviews gewoon in het Engels zullen blijven. Wel wil ik 2 keer per week een Nederlandse post plaatsen onder het kopje ‘Dutch Vibes’. k wil jullie meenemen in mijn dagelijkse leven, vertellen over alle plaatsen waar ik op deze aardbol heb gewoond (van Europa tot Azië en weer terug ) en jullie entertainen met grappige columns.

Ik hoop dat jullie ook dit deel van mijn ‘reis’ supporten. Ik ben heel benieuwd naar wat jullie van dit idee vinden!

Laat het mij even weten!
xoxo

If the Eiffel Tower could talk…

12243284_463226587217634_3289609584534959856_nIf the Eiffel tower could talk, I am sure she could tell us many beautiful stories. Stories of everything she had ever seen. Stories of every  marriage proposal that has been done in front of her by lovebirds. Stories of people taking selfies with her because they were struck by her beauty.

If the Eiffel Tower could talk she would tell us about the beauty of her city. About all the little streets and corners that Paris has. About the beautiful architecture, the cool Parisian hotspots, restaurants, bars, clubs. She would tell us about all the musea and about her special bond with the Mona Lisa. She would tell us about the beauty of its people and about the beauty of her country.

If the Eiffel Tower could talk she would tell us how, every night, she does her best to shine bright in her light show and every night she gives us her all so we can enjoy her. She would do her best to contribute to our lovely Paris memories.

But after yesterday, even if the Eiffel Tower could talk, she would decide not too. She would not be able to talk because her heart is aching and breaking. She is devastated. The lights from her lightshow turn in to tears. She can only cry. For her city, for her people, for the visitors, for humanity.

My dear Eiffel Tower- You are the reason why we call Paris the city of lights, the city of love. You are beautiful and incredibly strong. I hope you will keep being the light in the city of lights and don’t let it turn in to the darkness. I hope you can be the light on a day where everyone probably needs you the most. I hope you will inspire us to stick together and not to fall apart. To unite and be strong and beautiful like you are. Don’t let our hearts fill with hate towards the ignorant ones.  My beloved Eiffel Tower, I hope your broken heart will heal again and that you will decide to talk and tell us that everything will be okay. Because the only one that can do that for Paris, is you. Your people need you. Your people love you.

xoxo

13 Fun and original things to do on Friday the 13th!

Hey lovelies!

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH! YES, I do celebrate this day. Like any other day I will find an excuse to make something special out of it : )
Friday the 13th has always been a day for the superstitious people amongst us that is a bit ‘scary’. We avoid holding mirrors, cause we don’t want to break that in order to get 7 years of bad luck, we avoid cats cause we don’t want to run in to a black on and we certainly do not walk under ladders- which I think you should not do at all haha.

Nobody wants bad luck and therefor I created a list of 13 fun things you can do on Friday the 13th. And if you are not superstitious at all, you can obviously do these things on any random Friday night.

smile-its-frid-13

1.  WATCH MEANGIRLS
I mean, come on. BEST MOVIE EVER! Well, okay, not entirely true but it is a perfect movie to watch on Friday the 13th.

2.  GOSSIP GIRL MARATHON
After mean girls it is totally time for a GG marathon. Some Chuck and Blair drama will get your mind of the bad luck thingie.

3.  HAVE A KARAOKE NIGHT WITH FRIENDS
Make a fool out of your self. Dance to your fave music while pretending you are the next Lady Gaga. Or Michael Jackson. Or Adele- who ever floats your boat.

4.  EAT HEAPS OF CHOCOLATE
YES! I mean, it is Friday night and chocolate should be your best friend.
Get all kinds of chocolates and just stuff your self with it, you deserve it guuurll!

5.  HAVE A “CREATE A MASK” NIGHT
Wait, what? What is this you might ask. I often do this with my girls. We all bring our old make up, sometimes even crayons, depends on how tipsy we are and we just paint each others faces. I have been a cat before, but one that looked like it came from Space. Pink, blue purple, greenish. I looked fantastic. It sounds weird but it is actually a lot of fun.

6.  ORGANIZE A WINE TASTING
Organize a party and ask all the people that are coming over to bring a bottle of wine. Get a cheese platter and the party can start. It is a fun way of getting drunk’ish in your own home. Don’t mix different alcohols tho. If you are having a wine tasting stick with the wine.

7.  PLAY HIDE AND SEEK AT YOUR PLACE
Okay, I assume you don’t live in a mansion so it will be kind of weird playing this game but it can be so much fun. You notice that when you don’t have that many places to hide, I mean, how many people can fit under your bed, that you will get creative in ways you never thought you could. One time one of my friends was hiding in my kitchen cabinet. It was fantastic. – However we could not get him out tho so be careful. Haha.

8.  CALL YOUR CRUSH- AND HANG UP!
Did I just go there? Yes I did! Are we back in high school? YES WE ARE!
Remember that thrill of calling your crush, hearing his voice and than hang up again? I certainly do. I stalked all my crushes by calling them and hanging up. Yea, I was (lame) awesome like that! It is even more fun when you do it when you are with your friends. Trust me, you will feel like a higschool girl again 🙂

9. WRITE A SONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND PERFORM IT
Ever really wanted to star in your own girl band? OBVIOUSLY ! Do you always feel like you are that 6th spice girl? Well this is your time to shine baby. When you are hanging out with your friends, write some lyrics, make some beats and create that million dollar hit song! Perform that shit and tape it- Memories for life, I can guarantee you that.

10.  HAVE A DISNEY SINGALONG NIGHT
Watch your favorite disney movie and after that have a sing a long night. A whole new world? Kiss the girl? Let it go? Go for it! You will have so much fun. You can be your favorite Disney character, even if it is for one night!

11.  WRITE A LETTER TO THE FUTURE YOU-AND BURRY IT!
When you are with your friends it is often great to discuss your futures. What do you want in life, where will you stand an exact year from now? Write letters to the future you, put them in a box and burry them somewhere only you and your friends no where. PLEASE, DO REMEMBER WHERE YOU DID THIS! Haha..Next year you will go back and you will ‘unburry’ these letters and you will discuss them together. It is always so fun to see what predictions came true and how much has changed in a year….

12.  PLAY DARE OR DARE
Screw the truth. I mean, you don’t need the truth on Friday the 13th. Play dare or dare (pun intended) and give each other funny challenges. Capture all these challenges in pictures. You will need them for the next step.

13.  SCRAPBOOKING
Scrapbooking? I hear you thinking it: GAAAAY! It kinda is, but it is awesome! YES I will admit it, I am a scrapbookfreakaddict! It is awesome. Print out all the pictures from your fun night with your friends and create a scrapbook  poster. You can probably not fill an entire book with pics from one night so make a poster or a few pages and you will always remember the best Friday the 13th you ever had.

These were my tips, what are yours? What will you do tomorrow?

xoxo

An open letter to my EF BX- How I broke the heart of the love of my life.

I am just an awkward girl that does not know how to handle emotions. When ever something or someone get’s to close I either build a wall or I go all in. And with you baby, I went all in. It felt amazing, wonderful, great- but the danger with going all in is that the only way you can leave is to go all out. Lose everything, literrally everything that you had.

A few years ago I read an interview with Mariah Carey where she said that she’d rather performed in an sold out Staples Center than to sing for family and friends in a small and intimate get together. I could immediately relate to that feeling. I am not a superstar. I am a simple girl with complicated feelings that I don’t know how to process. I rather share my story with the entire world that I see as my sold out staples center instead of having a private conversation with you. Because that is intimate. And intimacy scares the shit out of me. 
We had a perfect life. We were that couple that everyone wanted to be. Not a single day passed without cracking each other up. We laughed so  much.. We were compatible in every aspect. Looks, brains, body and soul. You truly were and always be my soulmate. I do believe when God created you he chose me to find you on this earth when our time was there. And we did. We found each other and our relationship was fantastic. But still I left you. And nobody understood why. You did not understand why.
If I would look up the word „Perfection” in the dictionary- there would be your picture directly next to the word. To me you are perfect. Your beautiful blond hair and amazing blue eyes that can still make my heart skip a beat. The way you have dimples in your cheeks when you laugh, the way you brush your hair with your left hand when I make you nervous. Or excited. The way you live you life. Strong, admirable, respectful humble, sexy, powerful, caring, passionately, loving. You are such a proud person. So tough on the outside, and inside. But not with me. With me you were soft. Understanding. Kind. Loving. Everything.
During our entire relationship I never saw you cry. Not even when your best friend died. You felt sad but said that you could not allow your tears to get the “best of you” and that you would only cry if something happened you knew you could not recover from. The day I left you, you cried. So much. And I realized that I broke your heart. But what you must understand is that during the last months of our relationship every single day I was breaking my own heart. And it hurted so much. 
I was broken.A broken doll. Damaged goods. You deserved so much more than me. I often wondered why you were with me. Why you did not leave me after everything I put you through. You are such a good man, someone who deserves an equal. Not somebody less than him. Don’t get me wrong. I did not always see myself this way. But at some point in our relationship I just lost it. I lost myself in our relationship. I lost my identity. You and I became a WE but who was I? You knew exactly who you were and what you wanted out of life but I did not know anything else than that I was your girlfriend, your future wife. But that thought suffocated me. I wanted more. I wanted to know how I could define my future. I wanted to find out how I could leave my legacy on this planet and by just being a ‚wife’-. well that just did not cut it. 
Remember that scene in the Titanic (you must, I made you watch that movie a million times) when Rose enters the Titanic and she talks about how her life looks perfect on the outside, but on the inside she is screaming. That was me. I was screaming internally every day. Every fucking day. And you noticed. When you looked me in my eyes you saw that I was drowning. You saw that I was hurting and that I could not breath. The endless fights that we had over this where you begged me, screamed at me to tell me what was wrong. I never forget that day where you kneeled down to the ground and hugged my hips, crying and begging me to talk and that you could not ‚Do this anymore’. I froze. I could not say anything, like always. You, the wealthy and powerful businessman, the man nobody could bring down, was brought down, literally, sitting on his knees, begging and crying. You were brought down by the one person that could make you do anything you always said you would never do. But than and there at that moment I made a decision.
I would leave you. The thought that I was the person that put you through this was horrible. The thought that I was your weakness frightened me. I’d rather break my own heart a million times by leaving the best thing that ever happend to me than to even break your heart once. That thought for me was unbearable. It was horrible for me to see you so powerless knowing that you in fact were powerless. There was nothing at that point that you could have done for me. You have not failed me. You asked me this in several text messages after we broke up. I failed myself. I had to regroup and recover. Alone. I needed space. And I took it. Maybe that was selfish of me but we would never have had a happy ending if we continued the way we did.
Even though you wanted to save me and you tried to save me. But the only way you could save me was to let me go and to let me find my own way. I did loved and love that about you. You always tried to save me. To fix me. To be my hero. But you know, sometimes a girl needs to be her own hero and save her self. 
“I had everything, but I chose to have nothing, so I can build towards something, anything of my own”.
I gave up everything. The money, the fancy apartment, the summerhouses, the cars with private drivers, the never-ending holidays but most of all, I gave up you.
My life is so different now than when I was with you. I live in my own city apartment, I pay my own rent, I drive my bike to work (yes an actual bicycle, and I really like it)- I started writing and painting again. I went to therapy where I worked really hard on dealing with my depression and with my struggle in finding my own identity again. I am starting to feel like a whole person again.
I never wanted you to complete me. I want to feel complete (or as complete as someone can feel) and I wanted you to be of an added value to my life. I wanted to feel valuable first and now I do. It is a bitter sweet feeling because I left the one I loved the most find myself. I fell out of love with you in order to fall in love with myself again.
And I did. I love myself and maybe more important I like myself again. I like the person who I have become and you are such a big part of the reason why I am where I am today.
You made the bigger sacrifice by letting the love of your love go with no other reason than to allow me to find myself again. You did not do it for you, like how my main reason to leave you was to ‘FIX ME”. Your reasons were pure and not selfish.
You once told me that if you really love something you will set it free (and if it comes back it was ‚Yours’ and if it doesn’t, it never was). I never understood this. Why would you let something that you love go. You would want to keep that close to you right? You would want to fight for something that you love right? But sometimes the best fight is to surrender. And you did. If you love someone, you will put his or her happiness before your own. So even though it did break your heart, you did let me go because you knew that that would be the best thing for me. So in the end, even though I tried to save my self you still did save me. Because if you did not let me go I would never be here where I am today.
It is ironic how we both decided to break our own hearts so we did not had to break each others hearts. 
I had time to heal my heart and if there is anything I can do to heal yours let me know. Cause there is not a single thing in this world that I would not do for you.
Love always, x