I am sorry for not being able to talk to you in a while. There has been a lot going on in my life lately, a full post about this subject will follow this week because it is quite a personal story that I am willing to share, only I need the time to put in in to words.
I had to take some time for my self to get some things together. And now I did and I am ready to be yours again. Later this week I will share my personal update but first I would like to finish the series of ‘My awkward encounters of me and my hot neighbor boy’ – so I can continue with a fresh slate that I so desperately needed for quite some time actually.
In the last article I wrote about him, us everything was perfect. I became his girlfriend and we had a fantastic time. I could probably fill a few more articles about the fun stuf we did, the beautiful moments that we shared and all the awkward encounters but I decided that I would not do this anymore. The relationship that we had, how short it was, was extremely toxic and not a good relationship to be in. I could see it in the little signs before we were in the relationship but I still chose to be in this relationship.
Why you might ask? – I wish I could give you an answer but I honestly just can’t. It is difficult to explain but I will try.
A few weeks ago during a dinner with some people the following topic came up and this question was asked me: “Why do you only date bitchboys’ (as in loser guys and guys I know I do not have a real future with and those that not necessarily treat me well all the time. Unpredictable and unstaple guys”. I gave a random response and laughed it off but it actually got me thinking. Why do I only date ‘bitchboys’ ?
The real answer is, is that I am afraid. Afraid to get hurt (again) and afraid to give myself to someone, put myself out there, where my heart on my sleeve and just wait for the second it gets ripped off and broken to a million pieces. But if I date these ‘bitchboys’ I have all the control, I do not like them that much anyway and I know that I do not have a future with them but it is fun for the time being and they do not have the capacity to hurt me- and that makes me go for guys like that. – Does this make any sense to you?
“Love like you have never been hurt’- Can you do that? For the past few months I could not..but I am willing to try again. I am willing to dust my shoulders, pick my self up and just try again. (yes do you hear that Aaliyah and Timbaland song playing in your head now too?And for me to start with that, I have to get ‘rid of the old, so I have room for the new’.
With the end of this series, I do not want to say that I considered my hot neighborboy to be one of these ‘bitchboys’ but realistically we were not a good match. Where he reminded me of a mixture between Chuck Bass, Harvey Specter and Christian Grey his dominants was not something I could handle nor want in my life. He is a good guy but he is just not the guy for me. And I am not the girl for him.
Therefor, this will be the final chapter in this series. I have decided though that I will continue writing about my (dating) life as I am still the same weird and awkward girl I have always been. I actually have been in some weird situations again and I can not wait to share those with you.
I hope you guys will understand my decision and I actually need your help.. For my new series of columns that will be about me and my (dating) life I need a new name.
Do you have any suggestions? Let me know down below!
The winner / the title I will chose will actually get a really nice gift from me.
Talk to you guys soon. xoxo