My awkward first encounter with my new neighbor boy

Schermafbeelding 2015-05-14 om 12.29.58

Last week my awesome neighbor girl that I occasionally had dinners with moved out. She moved back to Holland and I was really sad about this. She is such a nice girl and it is good to know that whenever you need to borrow anything that you ran out of and the stores are closed that you can go to your neighbors for a little help.
It is also always exciting to see who would move in next. As a few days passed I kinda forgot about it and than one day when I came back from work I saw this tall blonde guy who was physically in great shape carrying moving boxes.

I asked him if he was moving in our out. He said:’in’. I thought to myself, what are the odds that he will move in next to me because I knew that there were 2 apartments available in the building where I live. Well, it is kinda a 50/50 chance than isn’t it. He asked in which apartment I lived and as I said 4.5 he smiled and checked me out. He said, I will be directly next to you in 4.4
At this point I just stared at him. I wish I could have said something cool but since on the inside I am a big fat nerd I just stared with what I am sure was a pretty awkward face. 
He asked if he could see my apartment and I told him ‘sure, Someday’ and I walked off. (kinda learned something from *this guy*, haha..)
As I went to my place, made myself dinner and was totally minding my business my doorbell rang. I looked through that peek hole where you can see who stands at the other side of the door and there he was. My new blonde and tall viking’ish neighbor boy. My new blonde and tall, half naked viking’ish neighbor boy. 
I opened the door and there he was, with that big smile (that I am starting to hate) on his face again.
He asked if he could borrow a towel because he was sweaty from all the moving and he did not know in what boxes his own towels were. Before I could give an answer to his question he moved around me and actually entered my apartment. While standing in my living room, while I was still at the door because at that point I kinda froze I heard him say: ‘Wow nice, Yours is so big’. Something he clearly did not know is that the corner apartments are bigger and have more rooms than the others. For those who know me know that I kinda have a ‚dirty mouth’. I say things that are not meant in a sexual way but come out sexual so just as I wanted to say how much I liked big things I regrouped and recovered and thought to myself that that is probably not the best thing to say to my new half naked viking neighbor boy. 
So again, I just smiled and gave him my famous awkward stare.
He kept continuing his monologue (since this was not a conversation because for some reason I could not say anything ) he said that he chose the smaller apartment because he was living alone and he asked me if I was living with my boyfriend. When I told him that I was single he got that stupid smile on his face again. I needed to get rid of this dude so I went to my bathroom, gave him a towel and said: ‘go home and take a shower, you smell and I don’t want my apartment to smell like you’. The minute I said that I immediately thought, really, that is the first full sentence you are actually going to say to him. As he walked to my door he stood still turned around and thanked me for the towel. He told me that he would bring it back asap and I told him to keep it. At that point I kinda physically pushed him out my apartment because he was standing there and again his stupid smile and he said,you can’t keep your hands of me already, that is a promising start’. OH-MY-GOD this dude is so confident that it became annoying.
About a half an hour later I heard weird noises coming from his place. I thought the walls were sound proof but apparently they were not. It sounded like he was having sex but where the hell did he found a girl in that 30 minute time frame and I also kinda just heard him making noise. I did not heard any girl in there. But still, when you are home alone you do not want to hear your neighbor having sex so I just wanted to get out of my apartment and thought to go for a walk outside. As I opened my door, almost simultaneously his door opened and there she was, this brunette in her mid 20’s that left his place ready to do her walk of shame. When she saw me she starred at the ground and walked towards the elevator. Well, no shame no game girl. haha. 
I immediately had so many questions though. Who is this girl, does she live in the building too? Where did he found her? Does he always have short sex sessions? Wait why did I care? As I walked outside and was locking up my apartment he asked if I heard anything. I said that I heard him moan and that that was the reason why I left my place cause I felt uncomfortable because he was so loud. He apologized and I said that there was no need to apologize to me but maybe to the girl since she did not make any noise he was probably doing something wrong. Again he had this stupid smile on his face and he said that he liked my attitude. This attitude that I have was in order for him to be turned off by me tot to get even more turned on.
As I wanted to walk away he ensured me that he was sorry and he leaned in to give me a kiss on the cheeks while he promised me that it will not happen again, but hell no that I will let those lips touch my body after his hot sexcapade so I actually pushed his face away and gave him a high 5. A high 5? Fuck, really? I felt so embarrassed. Giving a guy a high 5 in a situation like this is so lame. I felt like my body froze again but I knew I had to go away, fast. So I quickly walked towards the elevator, staring at the floor, doing my own little walk of shame.

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